BIG TIME RUSH Unit Guide!
by Song That Sings Its Own
Summary: Congratulations! You have decided to purchase your very own BTR boxset! Please read this entire manual thoroughly to ensure safety of you and your unit. If you have any problems, PLEASE hesitate to contact us!
1. Logan

_**I know I need to keep working on my Kenny fanfic... BUT THIS IDEA WAS JUST SO DISTRACTING. I saw these on other places in FF and I'm like... YES. I'm not trying to copy from anyone, so I'll try and do it in my own way :3 But most likely it will be like all the others ; n ;**_

Congratulations! You have decided to purchase your very own LOGAN unit! Please read this entire manual thoroughly to ensure safety of you and your unit. Your LOGAN unit will arrive in a small cardboard box, curled up in a blanket and will probably be sleeping when you open it. It is heavily advised _not_ to disturb your unit until its time of awakening. If you do so, your unit will mercilessly attack you even though we all know in real life he would never do this. _If_ you have the attention span to read the rest, take out the small calculator in its hands and it will automatically love you and respect you. If you do not, when it awakes on its own most likely it will be terrified of you and run away into a nearby shrub, even if you don't have any of those around. If you have any problems, please hesitate to contact us!

The following is needed and NOT included in this kit:

A math textbook

A desk

The KENDALL, CARLOS, and JAMES unit (optional, though recommended)

Pens and pencils

Books in general

Gauze incase your unit goes mentally insane and mauls you (rare, though possible)

Your LOGAN unit is associated with many modes.

Happy: Your unit is very kind, talkative and energetic. It will even offer to do some chores with you, like cooking, laundry, ect.

Smart: Your unit is incredibly intelligent, and will recite Einstein's theory if asked. It is still kind, though not as happy as it is when it is in the HAPPY mode. Can come up with well thought-out schemes and good with estimations.

Serious: Your unit is emotionless and will only state the facts. It doesn't care whether it's offensive or not. It is not recommended to put it in this state unless you have had a surgery where the limbic system **(1)** was removed and you can't feel anything mentally. Warning: Never smiles.

Panicky: Your unit will freak out over every single misplaced detail and over every single sneeze, ache, or cough. Will stop you from doing the simplest things. Ex: Lighting a stove. (**LOCKED** until your unit interacts with the CARLOS unit.)

Hockey Player: Your unit will softly check you into walls and punch you softly as if in a real hockey fight. It will not hurt you severely, for in its harddrive it is still programmed to be a nice unit, except in SERIOUS mode. (**LOCKED** until it interacts with the KENDALL and JAMES unit)

**Doctor (Special Mode);** Your unit will know every single disease known to man and can recite all medicines at the drop of a hat. Special mode means this mode is only for your LOGAN unit. This mode also contains some of the PANICKY mode as well.

Romantic: Your unit will hug you and kiss you (C'mon fangirls, you know you wouldn't mind) whenever it sees you or you enter the room. It will also serenade you. (this can only happen if the POPSTAR mode is unlocked) It will be incredibly cheesy and will turn your compliment into one directed towards you instead of it. Ex: You might say, "I love your smile and it can light the sun," It will say, "Your's lights up my world." Cheesy, right? (**LOCKED** until it interacts with the CAMILLE unit.)

Popstar: Your unit will run around and constantly sing songs no matter what. (**LOCKED **until it interacts with the GUSTAVO and KELLY unit.)

Your LOGAN unit is suitable with the following units:

The KENDALL unit

The CARLOS unit

The JAMES unit

The CAMILLE unit

The KELLY unit

The GUSTAVO unit (on rare occasions, only in POPSTAR mode)

The JO unit

The MAMA KNIGHT unit

The KATIE unit

Your unit is NOT compatible with the following units...

The GRIFFIN unit

The WAYNE WAYNE unit

The JENNIFERS units (Yes, they're all sold together! Woohoo!)

The GUSTAVO unit (on most occasions)

The MR. BITTERS unit

FAQ:

**Help, my unit hates me!**

_Most likely you have it set in SERIOUS mode, if not, you did something wrong. READ THE MANUAL, DUMBASS! _

**Why is my unit so quiet? **

_You probably said something to hurt its feelings. Just 'cause it's a robot doesn't mean it still has feelings. ON THE WALL. FIVE MINUTES! - blows whistle -_

**My unit ran away.**

_Bitch please, that is a statement, NOT a question! Read the damn manual! God dammit!_

**Do you offer refunds? **

_Is it your birthday? _

**No... And why did you answer my question with a question? **

_Get out before I stab you._

**Help, my KENDALL, JAMES, and CARLOS units have all ran away with the LOGAN unit!**

_Ugh, that is another statement. Pfft, they all went to L.A. They'll be back in a few days. Most likely they will start calling themselves "Big Time Rush". _

**Do you have customer service? **

_Why yes, I do, but it's currently closed due to... Problems. Bye._

**Why are you so mean? **

_Various reasons. _

Enjoy your unit!

_**(1) Your limbic system is what controls your emotions. Hehe. Sorry, that's it. If I get at least FOUR reviews I will make Kendall next~ Woohoo! Gonna see the new episode of BTR soon! Bye guisee!**_


	2. Kendall

_**FEEDBACK OMFG Thank you ; w ; As promised, your Kenny unit!  
**_

Congratulations! You grew a stomach and decided to purchase your very own KENDALL unit! Please take the time to read this manual carefully, to ensure your entrails remain inside of you. Your KENDALL unit will arrive in a small, wooden crib, and will be very much awake. To ensure that your death is not condemned, do NOT touch the small gray beanie. Your unit will lash out at you and you will most likely go to the E.R for blood loss. Once you play a nice soothing tune, he will calm down and be kind to you from then on.

It is recommended to have the following ready to guarantee the safety of you and your unit:

A hockey puck

A hockey stick

The LOGAN, JAMES, and CARLOS unit (optional; but recommended)

Armor (incase your unit goes insane)

Your unit comes with the following modes:

Snappy: If you ask it questions or bother it at all, it will get angry and snap at you. If you persist, you might end up with a few injuries and some death glares. This mode is not recommended because it's pretty much impossible to get it out of this mode.

Hockey Player: Unlike your LOGAN unit, your KENDALL unit will mercilessly check you into walls without remorse and punch you in various places. If you try and fight back, it's the end for you. This mode is NOT recommended unless you have someone you hate over your house. Then again, if you hate them, why are they there? (**LOCKED **until it interacts with the JAMES, CARLOS, and LOGAN units.)

**Leader; Special Mode**: Your unit will assume itself as boss, and try and help you through your tough decisions. He also comforts you when you're hurt and is very protective. Its mood differs, sometimes it can be soft and gentle, though sometimes mean and rough. If you have any CARLOS, LOGAN, or JAMES units around he will spend a lot of time with them. (**LOCKED **until it interacts with the JAMES, CARLOS, and LOGAN units.)

Cool Rush: You're unit is cool and collected and will never get angry with you, no matter what. Much like the LEADER mode he will think you through tough decisions. Perfect for when you're under a lot of pressure and need some time to think. (**LOCKED **until it interacts with the JAMES, CARLOS, and LOGAN units.)

Romantic: Your unit is very affectionate, much like your LOGAN unit. He will hug you and cuddle with you a lot. (Again, you know you wouldn't mind. **LOCKED **until your unit interacts with the JO unit and/or the LUCY unit.)

Indignant: Your unit will refuse to do anything you want, no matter how much you pester him. He won't follow rules just to annoy you.

Your KENDALL unit is compatible with the following:

The LOGAN unit

The JAMES unit

The CARLOS unit

The JO unit

The LUCY unit

The GUSTAVO unit (on rare occasions)

The KELLY unit

The CAMILLE unit

The MAMA KNIGHT unit

The KATIE unit

Your KENDALL unit is NOT compatible with the following:

The GRIFFIN unit

The WAYNE WAYNE unit

YOU

The GUSTAVO unit (on most occasions)

The MR. BITTERS unit

FAQ:

**Why does my KENDALL unit never follow my rules?  
**_You have it in INDIGNANT mode. Please go back and learn to read. Have a Palmwoods day._

**Where did my KENDALL unit go?**

_Ugh, didn't you read the LOGAN manual? They all went to L.A. Prepare for a burst of songs. _

**My KENDALL unit mauled me!  
**_I warned you. NO REFUNDS. _

**My KENDALL unit stole some things...**

_Switch him out of INDIGNANT mode. My God, is this what America is coming to? No reading of the manuals? THEY'RE HERE FOR A REASON _

Have a Palmwoods Day. (Do us a favor and don't)


	3. Carlos

_**OHMYGOD I'm so sorry for procrastinating! I don't really have an excuse except I was being lazy... I promise I'll at least update every weekend or earlier. **_

_**[{-}]**_

Kudos to you! For some very odd reason you have decided to purchase your very own CARLOS unit! Please try and read this manual for safety reasons. Remember, we are not responsible for any bodily harm caused to you by this and/or these units. If you have any problems, please hesitate to contact us! Your CARLOS unit will come safely hidden inside a cardboard boxed house with a doorbell, and when you open it, he should be laying down and stroking a black helmet. If he's not... Remember, we offer no refunds.

**Please have the following at your disposal and take these safety precautions: **

Corndogs

A swirly slide installed in your house/apartment

Protective casing over your walls and/or furniture

No solid concrete objects nearby

Various first aid kits

Kittens

**Note: **It is essential to keep these things around you for the best experience for you and your unit.

Your unit comes with the following modes:

Normal: Your unit is set in its normal personality. For this unit, it's bouncy, energetic, optimistic, and stupid. Please make sure it wears its helmet at this time, for it doesn't pay attention and may run into walls arbitrarily (it should have its helmet on at all times, as it's very unpredictable). Please keep your unit away from anything that is flamable at this time.

Hockey Player: Your unit will pester you to play hockey with it until you give in and do. He is fun and very fair, and won't even dare to try and hurt you at all, unlike your previous units (if you read those manuals, which I assume you didn't). **LOCKED **until it interacts with the LOGAN, JAMES, and KENDALL units.

**Dare Devil; Special Mode:** Your unit will literally try _anything_ you dare it to. Please, please, make sure you have first aid kits and its helmet handy with you; I cannot stress this enough (**Note: **It is recommended not to set your unit in this mode, as it is almost impossible to get it out of this mode. Automatially **UNLOCKED**).

Wild Rush: Much like its normal mode, except your unit is not _normal _(then again, it never was anyway). It's so crazy you might want to avoid it until it comes out of this mode (it never does; our workers were not sober when making these units). This mode is not recommended. We have no responsibilty to any household items broken in this mode. **LOCKED **until it interacts with the LOGAN, JAMES, and KENDALL units.

Romantic: Unlike your other units, your CARLOS unit will bring you bouquet of corndogs everyday to wake you up in the morning. He will also do anything you want it to. It also suddenly gains a cooking skill in this mode... (once again, we were not sober when creating these units). **LOCKED **until it interacts with the LUCY unit.

**Your CARLOS unit is interactive with the following units:**

The KENDALL unit

The LOGAN unit

The JAMES unit (especially)

The MAMA KNIGHT unit

The KATIE unit

The LUCY unit

The KELLY unit

The LIGHTNING unit

The GUSTAVO unit (on rare occasions)

**Your CARLOS unit is NOT compatible with the following units:**

The MR. BITTERS unit

The GUSTAVO unit (on most occasions)

**Note: **Since your CARLOS unit is such a kind unit, it doesn't have many enemies. Unless you piss it off.

FAQ:

**No questions at the moment. Looks like people can finally read!**

_**[{-}]**_

_**That was crappy, please don't yell at me xD Oh, yeah, could you guys (my lovely reviewers) send in some questions for the FAQ? I would very much appreciate it! I'm running low on ideas, obviously. Next is James, who I intended to do anyway, but my mind wanted to do Carlos instead... Send in any ideas, actually, I'm very open-minded! :3**_


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